Buying Abstract Art (2004)

5 Important Reasons Why You Should Buy Abstract Paintings.
*This article was published in April 2004 on samplesize.ca.

1. Decoration.
Abstract paintings are often quite pretty and are decoratively versatile. Abstract paintings come in all shapes, sizes and colours and can visually enhance even the most delicate of interiors. In fact, one of the world famous designers from TV’s Trading Spaces often creates abstract art (on the cheap!) for his interiors. The home owners are almost always impressed by his subtle blends of drift wood and polished steel. It should be noted, of course, that he is a professional artist. Abstract painting takes years of practice and hard work. It is much easier and rewarding to buy your abstract paintings from a professional artist.

2. Affordability.
Abstract paintings come in all price ranges to match almost any income. You can spend fifty dollars or fifty million dollars! It’s really up to you to decide how much money you want to spend on your abstract paintings and if you spend wisely, you will never be disappointed!

3. Sophistication.Abstract paintings are great conversation pieces. They inform your guests that you are “in the know”. An abstract painting in your home tells your guests that you are, in fact, a savvy and knowledgeable intellectual, that you actually understand and appreciate “modern art”. Abstract paintings ooze sophistication.

4. Collectability. Like real estate or the stock market, abstract paintings are also a great investment. Some of them even sell at famous auction houses for more than fifty million dollars! Sometimes the original buyers only paid a loaf of bread and a case of beer for their abstract paintings. That’s 49.99999 million percent interest over a period of roughly fifty years. That’s nearly one million percent interest per year which is far better (roughly 999,996% better) than what is offered by every bank in the world!

4a. Choosing Your Abstract Paintings: Simple Strategies for Successful Art Buying.Picking your abstract paintings is a difficult skill. There are a lot of abstract artists out there and it takes a keen eye, extensive research and a little bit of luck to be a successful art buyer. Like the stock market, you should try to identify “blue-chip” prospects:

• Try to find younger artists (ie. early thirties) who have already demonstrated a reasonable degree of artistic proficiency. Look for successful reviews in art periodicals and newspapers, gallery representation, a master’s degree or even all three. These are important indicator’s that you’ve found a “blue-chip” abstract painter.

• Try to find artists who live in the United States, preferably New York City or Los Angeles. Abstract painters from London, England are also desirable.

• WARNING: Do not buy abstract paintings from Paris! France has not produced collectable art for more than fifty years! Also, do not buy abstract paintings from: Ireland, Scotland, Italy, Portugal, Greece, Hungary, Poland, Canada, Australia, Austria, Sweden, Russia or any other formerly Soviet State, Japan, China, Uruguay, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland or Iceland. And I really can’t stress this point enough: Never buy any art whatsoever, abstract or otherwise, from a third-world country.

• Try to get a sense of the artists mental constitution and emotional well-being. If you ever witness an abstract painter urinate into a fire place, you should probably buy a couple of paintings. If you even remotely suspect that an abstract painter might be suicidal, you should buy as many of their paintings as you can afford! Dead artists paintings often double or even triple in value right after they die because they can’t make any more abstract paintings. This gives you a privileged position because there is now a limited and finite number of this artists work available. The production supply has come to a drastic halt and consequently the overall demand will significantly increase.

4b. Potentially Immanent Death Indicators as Factors of Collectability.

Bruises and or scabs on their arms.
• Often referred to as “track marks”, this is a sure fire sign of addiction to hard drugs. Abstract artists who are addicted to hard drugs usually die young. (Note: if your abstract artist enters a rehab clinic, don’t panic! Most rehab doesn’t work and your abstract painter will be back on drugs in no time.)

Severe Alcoholism.
• Not nearly as effective as an addiction to hard drugs, however, alcoholism usually contributes to depression and possibly even suicide. It also contributes to the bizarre and erratic behaviors traditionally associated with the artist’s “bohemian lifestyle” This behavior can help to create a “mythification” of your abstract painter and you never know, maybe they’ll try to drive a car or just wander onto the street and get hit by one!

5. Gifts.
Finally, abstract paintings make great gifts. You can often buy small ones for cheap just before Christmas. Abstract paintings, unlike a lot of other “modern art”, doesn’t have any political or social agenda to potentially annoy your loved ones. You can give abstract painters to both conservatives and democrats alike and believe me, everyone will be very happy that you did.